REFLECTIONS: By Elisabeth Ann Brown
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Recently I was involved in a Facebook group discussion about whether or not the way women dress makes them responsible for the reactions they get from men. For most women this is a very touchy subject, especially since the advent of the “MeToo Movement.”
I am a child of the 50s. Times and fashions have changed so rapidly during the six decades of my life. Let’s go further back in history to a time when women were expected to wear corsets so tight they often fainted. Dresses with layers of petticoats that came to their ankles, high necklines and long sleeves were the order of the day, and showing ankles was considered very risqué. In those days women were also expected to behave in a demure way and take part in “lady-like” activities; sipping tea and walks in the park, and perhaps a game of tennis – although even on the tennis courts they had to wear very long and restrictive clothing.
After World War 1 things began to change quite radically. In the 1920s young women known as “Flappers” began to show their disdain for convention, wearing short, loose dresses that fell just below the knee, cutting their hair in short bobbed styles, smoking and listening to jazz. They could vote now, and women’s rights became a hot topic. Standards of dress began to radically change, pants and shorts came into vogue, especially after World War 2 when many women served their countries in the armed forces.
By the 1950s, the decade in which I was born, poodle skirts were the “in” thing. For the remainder of the 20th century fashion began to evolve rapidly. As I was growing up, knee-length skirts were quite acceptable and the mini skirt was introduced, causing shock waves around the world. Denim jeans became more and more form fitting, and by the time I was a teenager all I wanted to wear was bell bottom jeans and a t-shirt. Magazines such as Seventeen and Marie Claire were teaching us how to apply make up, encouraging us to totter around in high heels, dye our hair, paint our nails, and wear more daring bikinis and bathing suits on the beach.
Women were also becoming much more involved in physical activities, sports and recreational hobbies, and of course the designers had a field day creating the clothes that would suit these activities. Clothes were designed to allow us freedom of movement, with comfort and “breathable” fabrics. Gradually these designs became every-day wear. I still love my jeans, although now boot cut or straight leg are my favourite styles. I also love leggings. Today’s fashions are so comfortable and allow us to be very creative with our individual style.
The argument we were having yesterday was about whether or not women should dress to avoid encouraging men to make inappropriate advances towards us; in essence, saying that we are responsible for the response. Personally, I think this is nonsense. How can I be held responsible for how another person thinks? How is anything I choose to wear causing a man to feel that he has a right to approach me with lewd comments, to try to inappropriately touch me, or encouraging rape? Why do people think that a scantily dressed woman is more likely to be assaulted than a woman covered from head to toe? A 25-year study of Muslim countries from Morocco to Pakistan shows that these countries have sky-rocketing numbers of women being raped, and yet they are covered in long flowing robes, not leggings and tank tops.
Claims that rape and sexual assault cases have risen in Europe are attributed to changes in the laws, according this article https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-39056786. Some studies say the increase in the availability of pornography on the internet is responsible too. The fact is that for centuries women have been oppressed and targeted, and sexual assault is nothing new, nor is it the responsibility of any woman because of what she wears. I remember being told to cover up and “leave a little to the imagination”. Imagination may also be very stimulating to the male mind!
Men need to understand that women do not dress to please them. We dress to please ourselves. Some of us dress for comfort, others dress to feel confident, pretty, or to emulate a fashion or celebrity icon. Men are very sexual creatures, but so are women. We also feel attracted to random males who we encounter on a daily basis. A well-dressed man or a man who is shirtless and displaying a toned body is just as much a turn-on for women, but we are conditioned to keep our thoughts to ourselves. We are not immune to the laws of sexual attraction, we just have more self-control.
I think that in societies that are very religious women come in for far more criticism for their dress and behaviour than men do. Pastors preach that women should be subservient and modest, yet they say very little about how men should behave. High numbers of single parent families also contribute to the lack of respect that is shown to women. Women who get pregnant out of wedlock are shamed by the churches, while the men are pretty much given a free pass. Boys being raised in homes without fathers and no male role models are not learning how to respect women. Music that degrades women and portrays men as dogs is prevalent amongst our youth. We have a constant daily onslaught on social media of women getting in fights, men beating women, and images of women dressing in clothes that really don’t fit or flatter their bodies. We are constantly seeing women being body shamed. We are too fat, too thin, to ugly, too sexy, too “provocative”.
Boys need to be taught how to respect everyone, no matter how they look or dress. Girls should have the freedom to choose how to dress, with guidance of how to make the very best of themselves. As one of my Facebook friends commented, “It’s very exhausting to be a woman The Bahamas.”
Come on fellas, stop blaming the women for your inability to take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions!
